mydays

Foolish? From Exiled ^Pro in Stuck in a world where I don't belong (2 days old)

Maria contacted me a few days back at the other place. We wrote to each other a few times. I let her know I was still interested. I told her she knows where I am if she ever changes her mind. She has … more

No place here From Exiled ^Pro in Stuck in a world where I don't belong (24 days old)

I sit here alone. I have not a single friend. I could die tomorrow and no one would notice. She is there in the other place. It's as if I never really existed. My insides are churning. I feel sick. I … more

Not a good day From Exiled ^Pro in Stuck in a world where I don't belong (27 days old)

I'm still missing Maria a lot. I keep thinking about her and all the good times we had together. There won't be anyone else like her. No one else wants me anyway. Even she didn't in the end. Life i… more

Greenpeace - More of a threat than Al-Qaeda? From Exiled ^Pro in Stuck in a world where I don't belong (28 days old)

Today Greenpeace have invaded the houses of parliament by climbing onto the roof unchallenged. That would be the equivalent in America of people climbing onto the roof of the white house. This begs… more

To the end From Exiled ^Pro in Stuck in a world where I don't belong (32 days old)

Suicide. Do I really want to sit in a car and drive for 3 hours to beachy head? I would imagine it would hurt a fair bit. Not to bad if I died but if I didn't, I don't quite fancy it. How to go … more

From Exiled ^Pro in Stuck in a world where I don't belong (62 days old)

I'm struggling today. I went to bed at 2am this morning. Slept but woke around 6am and just couldn't get back to sleep so got up just before 8am. I feel like crying right now. I can't stop thinking ab… more

Long time From Exiled ^Pro in Stuck in a world where I don't belong (66 days old)

no post. I've been hanging round the other place a bit. Been calorie counting and now realise why I am so fat! Still miss Maria so, so much. I can only ever remember good bits when I was with her. … more

Shivers From Exiled ^Pro in Stuck in a world where I don't belong (76 days old)

Does anything ever or has anything ever gone wrong when I get the shivers? What I'm mean by shivers is when it feel like a small insect has walked down my spine. Maybe a small rodent. Tickling. My … more

Forever alone From Exiled ^Pro in Stuck in a world where I don't belong (77 days old)

It's two weeks now. I'm not handling things well. I wish I could turn off my feelings. I keep thinking about her, about all the good things. Her company, how much I liked her company and her touch,… more

Unsettled From Exiled ^Pro in Stuck in a world where I don't belong (81 days old)

Things are a bit unsettled for me. I still miss Maria even though I know that I don't really trust her. My sleep is very unsettled again. I have been getting up in the morning well. Yesterday I woke a… more

Nice From Exiled ^Pro in Stuck in a world where I don't belong (85 days old)

It would be nice if I knew what I did wrong. Then I could make sure I didn't do it again. Maybe it's just that I'm so disgusting and repulsive she couldn't stand to be near me? I don't know. I real… more

Fire burns for you From Exiled ^Pro in Stuck in a world where I don't belong (85 days old)

If I could burn I would fester Smoke would pour Ooze from the gaps A red glow Light shining Before it dims A fragrence Strong mustyness Seeping Seeping out For all to see My fire burns for… more

Functioning? Just... From Exiled ^Pro in Stuck in a world where I don't belong (86 days old)

I'm just about managing to keep going. I don't know how. The draw of the sofa is there. The draw to lay down, to cry to feel sorry for myself. I have no one. No friends, no one to talk to, no one to h… more

Shit From Exiled ^Pro in Stuck in a world where I don't belong (87 days old)

Everything. Everything is shit. No friends. No girlfriend. No one likes me. No one can stand me. No one can stand to be around me. I could drop down dead an no one would notice. Why the fuck was I bor… more

Dumped again From Exiled ^Pro in Stuck in a world where I don't belong (89 days old)

Why am I such a shit person? Why doesn't anyone like me? Why don't I have any friends? Why is it impossible for anyone to want to be with me? This is so fucked up. I love her. Why ha… more

Normal? From Exiled ^Pro in Stuck in a world where I don't belong (99 days old)

What is normal? I've never had much incling to be normal. If we were all the same, all clones life would be a lot more boring. No one would have developed all the different things and gadgets and id… more

9 Grand From Exiled ^Pro in Stuck in a world where I don't belong (106 days old)

For a picture of Tesco Value Tomato Soup. Any takers? How about 9 grand for a picture of Tesco Value Tomato Soup painted by Banksy? http://www.opus-art.com/artists/Banksy/2957 Or how about… more

Blowing up the fat fryer From Exiled ^Pro in Stuck in a world where I don't belong (114 days old)

The food, ok, chips cooked in our deep fat fryer have been a bit iffy lately so I thought it was about time I cleaned it out. I've never been able to get it properly clean so I looked up some advice o… more

Wednesday 15th July From Exiled ^Pro in Stuck in a world where I don't belong (116 days old)

I had a call from Maria this morning. She told me she will be unable to come today because she has an appointment with her physio. Instead I shall get her tomorrow unless she cancels again. She's told… more

Journey Unknown - Prostate Cancer From Exiled ^Pro in Stuck in a world where I don't belong (117 days old)

Life’s little habits Life has a habit of sneaking up and slapping people around the face just as things seem to be balancing out a bit. My dad has just returned from a 2 week holiday. He went to… more

Mistake From Exiled ^Pro in Stuck in a world where I don't belong (123 days old)

I made the mistake of going to the other place today thanks to a link someone posted on Facebook. My ego got the better of me so I decided to search if anyone had been talking about me. They hadn't… more

Birds and Bees From Exiled ^Pro in Stuck in a world where I don't belong (132 days old)

She called tonight. We talked. For over an hour. I feel a bit bad about not believing her about her friend. I still don't fully. Too many things don't quite add up. I will give her the benefit of the … more

What to believe From Exiled ^Pro in Stuck in a world where I don't belong (132 days old)

I've heard from Maria. I was supposed to go to see her on Friday. She cancelled that because someone had stole all her money out of her account. She was going to phone me first thing Saturday … more

Good morning From Exiled ^Pro in Stuck in a world where I don't belong (132 days old)

Dear blog. I'm Feeling a bit down today, very tired mentally. I want to go out for a run but my head doesn't feel up to it just yet. I'll go out later on today. Hopefully I'll wake up a bit then. I ha… more

Strength From Exiled ^Pro in Stuck in a world where I don't belong (133 days old)

I have a pack of Tarot cards. I don't actually know what to do with them. I usually just shuffle them then cut the pack and select a card. I did the same today, only as I was cutting the pack, I notic… more

True colors From Exiled ^Pro in Stuck in a world where I don't belong (134 days old)

Wearing my colors; only, they aren’t my colors any more. They are the colors of the other place. The deep crimson red, day glo yellow and white vertical stripes. I nearly went back there today. Lookin… more

Let the games begin From Exiled ^Pro in Stuck in a world where I don't belong (135 days old)

I can't say it doesn't hurt I can't say I'm not bothered. I can't say that because it would be a lie If I can't be true to myself, what hope has anyone got? Situations have returned to their… more

More swimming From Exiled ^Pro in Stuck in a world where I don't belong (138 days old)

My sister changed her mind about going swimming yesterday. She said she wasn’t feeling very well. This isn’t really new. If she can’t be arsed to do something she’ll come up with something like that. … more

Definition From Exiled ^Pro in Stuck in a world where I don't belong (139 days old)

I wrote not too long ago musing about what defines me. I also wonder who I am. Perception. How I am perceived by different individuals. Some people get it completely wrong. I guess I'm thinking mor… more

3 From Exiled ^Pro in Stuck in a world where I don't belong (140 days old)

Everyone has their skeletonsThe little nicsThose hidden thingsThoughts Siophened awaySharedUnsharedUshered in disguise A little storyHere and thereTucked awayWe will not air Irony, lie to protectMa… more